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Three Books that I Couldn't Have

from An Eighth of a Bottle of Something Sticky Green by Cameron M. Thomson

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lyrics

1.
First Book I Couldn’t Have,
I couldn’t have because I was
no good at math, though that first book
was all concerned with math, I thought—
or so I think I must have thought—
though what my ten-year-old idea was,
of math, who knows, because I couldn’t even
do a sum or multiply by one.

Was it images of geniuses like Gauss,
Galois, and
Gödel with his hair slicked back and
a painting from the Renaissance
showing how perspective’s drawn and
Arabs staring at the sky and
Newton having apple 𝜋,
Klein’s bottle having no inside.

CHORUS
More overcome than
Carroll’s funny, palid queen,
who cried before
the pin had even stung—
though unlike her,
in that nobody’s going to
find it funny when
one does it to one’s son

2.
Second Book I Couldn’ t Have,
I couldn’t have because I wasn’t
brave enough, although I’d known
a lot of fear, which takes a lot of
courage just to bear—or so
I think it must have done, though what
my childish notion was, of fear, who knows.

Was it awful things—like a ghost-dog
watching for its Lady’s ship, long after
she had sunk away and faeries in some
photographs taken when
Victoria was our Empress and
dark fortresses of murdered kings and
Norsemen stringing their horses up.

CHORUS

3.
Third Book I Couldn’t Have,
I couldn’t have because I lacked humility:
I wanted to do a
History of everything I’d ever seen,
or dreamed I’d seen,
a catalogue of all the ways
the world might be—not meaning that
a world might be just any way.

That book was an empty room with
white walls waiting for the stain of saying
all my filthy thoughts, with no one listening
but God.
You said: You’re no great Fabulist.
Do not indulge in that, you said.
Do not pretend that you are special.
Mad, you laughed, and walked ahead.

CHORUS

(One does it to one’s,
one does it to one’s,
one always does it to one’s son.)

credits

from An Eighth of a Bottle of Something Sticky Green, released July 11, 2018

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all rights reserved

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Cameron M. Thomson image

Cameron M. Thomson Toronto, Ontario

Cameron Thomson is a Toronto-based moral philosopher, musician, and writer. When he’s not writing or making music, he may be found on the beach, searching for beach-glass and other treasure, or in the woods, digging for historical glass in former dumpsites. Visit him on Instagram at @cameron_m_thomson. ... more

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